July 1st is Canada’s National Day. In a move redolent of Cambodia being re-named Kampuchea by the Khmer Rouge, the powers-that-be in Canada changed the name of our National Day from Dominion Day to Canada Day. They took a nice regal sounding name for a holiday and replaced it with a marketer’s idea of a good name for a department store sale. That’s what I believe, and if you don’t agree with me, you can kiss my Tommy Hunter albums. Americans don’t call their national day America Day. It would be a joke, but Canadians, fashioning themselves as not American or British, fell for the joke like a many unsuspecting base-runners fell for the hidden ball trick.
Canadians celebrate their national day by getting away from their homes and going camping, and/or watching firework shows. The more imaginative Canadians, who live abroad, celebrate by taking off their clothes, tattooing their buttocks or chests with a Canadian flag, and then running down busy thoroughfares. I expect a few Canadians will be doing this on Wuxi’s Zhongshan Road this July 1st. I know that a certain King of Wuxi did this in 2005.
Other ways Canadian celebrate their national day include eating moose meat, hunting for polar bears, wearing their best parkas and mukluks, snow-shoeing in Frobisher Bay, ice-skating on the Rideau canal, watching a NHL hockey game, going to a Margaret Atwood book club barbecue, spitting on photos of Pierre Eliot Trudeau, wearing Old Navy Canada Day t-shirts, shopping at Wal-Mart for bbq lighter fluid, drinking triple-quadruples at Tim Horton’s, lining up at the government liquor store, lamenting Pamela Anderson’s acquiring American citizenship, and holding marathon sessions viewing some HBO series.
If you are not interested in doing these things and you are Canadian or not Canadian, you surely want to do something to mark Dominion Day that is a little more substantive. I can sense you thinking: “Geez Andis, I am not Canadian, or maybe I am Canadian, and either way, I want to do something to honor your Dominion Day. Assaulting someone from Ontario is illegal, no matter how morally justifiable it would be to do, but I still want to do something substantive. What to do? What to do? What to do? Andis!”
Easy for me to answer that question. Read the June 24 to June 30 issue of the AKIC Weekly! The best weekly Internet journal put out by a Canadian who is living in Wuxi. Reading the AKIC Weekly has many benefits including peace of mind, a better love life, joy, a halo around your head, and true perspective on what matters in this life.